When I hit the low point, like most others, I really hit the bottom. It wasn’t a gentle touchdown, more like a smash down. For me I’d arrived at this horrendous low point and realised as if a light bulb lit and knew that second that the days of me drinking and managing drink were now over. After all the promises I’d made to myself about only having 3 or 4 drinks was just me in denial. There was just no question now, I had a drinking problem and it needed fixing.
In that moment when everything became so clear, I was almost grateful for arriving at the bottom. It was as if I’d taken an elevator and was rushing down at speed only for the elevator to slow up and the bell ‘ting’ before the doors opened to reveal a dark damp place that I now walked into. Facing me was a long ladder back to the top. This was going to be my recovery, a long climb back to the top. It wasn’t clear how long the ladder was, but it was clear that if I didn’t concentrate and take it seriously I’d slip off the ladder and fall back into the pit.Now I felt that by hitting the bottom I’d had that jerk I’d almost been waiting nearly 20 years for. The moment when you know, you absolutely know that if you don’t change the way you live your life then the alternative is possibly a very short life.
The jerk to reality was so powerful for me that my whole recovery was spurred on by it. It helped motivate me and got me off my backside and actually doing it. Creating a new life that didn’t depend on drinking alcohol. There was a new purpose in my life now it was my new challenge and it was a way for me to find the new me. The whole chapter has been a catalyst for change. I’ve been able to embrace a new way to live and the best part has been to see so many doors of opportunity open, doors that I never imagined I see open.
I never want to experience hitting the bottom again. It is a humbling experience as you sit there and realise ‘This is it’.